Title: Tears of The Silenced: A True Crime and an American Tragedy; Severe Child Abuse and Leaving the Amish
Author(s) Name(s): Misty Griffin
Published in: December, 2014
Why You Might Like This Book: Read this book if you enjoy
- dark non-fiction,
- activism,
- fighting for human rights,
- stories of survivors,
- true crime,
- recovering and healing,
- mental health,
- fighting for justice,
- exposing the perpetrators,
- empathizing with victims,
- exposing religious cults,
- confronting abusers, and
- survivors finding the strength and courage to fight for themselves and other victims.
Who Should Avoid This Book: Avoid this book if you are triggered by or dislike
- negligent family,
- cults,
- traumatic childhood,
- physical abuse,
- sexual abuse,
- child sexual abuse,
- rape,
- betrayal by family,
- being ostracized or shunned by the community,
- systemic injustice,
- enabling abusers and perpetrators,
- tragic childhood experiences,
- suffering,
- communal violence,
- trauma,
- domestic violence,
- severe physical violence,
- forced isolation,
- dysfunctional families, and
- injustice to victims.
Trigger Warning: Child rape, child sexual assault, child molestation, domestic violence, extreme abuse
Could someone who loves to gently read bedtime stories to young children each night turn out also be someone who brutally beats the same children several times a day for silly little mistakes or for breaking unfair rules? Could someone like that be a father and an active member of a church? Could an adult woman who also prays and believes in God be just as brutal and beat young children with a leather belt? Could a biological mother watch their children being sexually assaulted and molested by their step father gleefully? This book is a true crime memoir that tells the world of extreme violence that most of us cannot even imagine.
The author, Misty and her sister Samantha were born in a dysfunctional family, they were biological children of a woman who got pregnant when she was barely an adult and their own father was their mother’s step-father. Their elder brother was taken against his will to live with their grandmother. When the two girls were still very young, the parents were separated and they were living with their father, but then Brian came into their lives, along with their mamma. This man was already hiding from the government because of the child molestation and other charges he faced; he was a criminal who enjoyed violence. Along with him, their mamma seemed to enjoy brutality, beating up her children everyday, even more. The two adults took these two kids and they travelled from place to place, and they ensured that these little girls would never talk to anyone and not even to each other. They were enrolled in schools occasionally but only when the parents feared that others would look at them suspiciously if they didn’t send them to school, and because they never wanted anyone to find out what their family was like and how much they abused the kids, the kids would not be sent to school for long periods, again. Wherever they travelled, isolation was guaranteed. The sisters were compelled to not even share a word with each other, so they grew up with nobody to call a friend or acquaintance.
They joined the Amish community, as forced by Brian, and it all became worse for the girls. As the Amish code itself expects followers to stay away from modern conveniences and separation from modern lifestyle is the norm in the community, it helped Brian socially justify the isolation of their family. The girls and their mother were forced to dres sup in traditional Amish clothes and wear bonnets everyday. For a very brief period, they stayed with Brian’s father, who was a kind man, his kindness surprised Misty because of how different he seemed to be compared to Brian. But soon, they moved out and finally Brian took them to a mountain. This was worse than all other places they ahd lived in so far because winter was cruel in the mountains and the winter snow would make movement up and down the hill almost impossible. They got several animals and the girls were compelled to wake up very early in the morning and start their jobs outside, in the farm, and inside, doing the cooking and cleaning. If the smallest of things went wrong, they would be beaten up severely and they were not allowed to talk to each other. As and when Brian pleased, he would sexually abuse them. Their mother was no less cruel and she enjoyed beating them up herself. Often, he would watch the girls as they would undress and change clothes. During all this, the sisters developed their own secret code to talk to each other without the knowledge of their mother or stepfather. And they could never talk to anyone outside because Brian had instructed that others, those outside their family, were “worldly” and not good for them.
Interesting Quote: “I am sure there were people who had some idea how badly we were being treated, but everyone looked the other way, all in the name of religious freedom.”
Things changed when their mother received a notice from the government one day that her sister, who had no other place to go to, needs to be taken care of and they cannot keep her at the shelter. Misty and Samantha hadn’t even known they had a maternal aunt. Brian and their mama planned to go to the place and bring the lady, Fanny home. Initially, the girls couldn’t believe how these two were even willing to take care of her, but then they learned that they agreed to do so because they would get piad $550 a month to care for Fanny. The girls were excited because they never had a guest or visitor in a long, long time, but when Fanny came home, they realized that she was mentally retarded. Brian forced her to also wear the Amish clothes. She was diagnosed with schizophrenia and would not understand what she was told. And their mother would often beat her up with the metal fly swatter. When she realized that if the wounds and scars were visible, the government or someone else might notice, so she began beating her up under her clothes, her breasts. Quickly, Fanny began to realize that if she did not obey, she would be severely assaulted, so even while being retarded, she coped up by accepting what she was ordered to do. The only good thing that happened to these girls during that time period was when an old neighbour would offer them old books to read. Of course Brian wouldn’t approve of them reading anything or talking to anyone, but the neighbour left books for them beside their house, and the girls hid the books and read during the night, and they would burn the books later, so that their step father wouldn’t find out.
Soon, they had another turn of events, when Brian received a very angry letter from his sister, who had informed him that their father had passed away and he badly wanted to see his only son before he died but since Brian had forced him to not reveal their location, he did not tell the others where Brian and his family lived until it was too late. She had also mentioned in the letter that since he was nowhere around, his father had left all his property to her and he was excluded from the will. This prompted Brian to do something more selfish. Being his manipulative self, he decided to pay his ailing mother a visit because she owned more wealth than their father had owned and to convince her to give him all her property. For one week, Brian and their mama had gone away from home. This time was the most relaxing time for the sisters and their aunt Fanny. This is the height of freedom and relief they had experienced from the day they came in contact with Brian and their mother. When the grandmotehr was brought home, both the young girls and the grandmother in her 80s were surprised. Their lifestyles were vastly different; Mitsy and Samantha had never seen clothes so colourful, stylish, and beautiful before. They did not even know how to wear clothes like those pants and T-shirts and pantsuits or any of her makeup. And the grandmother was surprised to see their Amish clothing. What surprised the girls even more was the pretentious, soft, and kind personality Brian put up in front of his mother: he was very soft-spoken and gentle. It became Samantha’s duty to care for Fanny and Misty’s duty to care for their grandmother in a trailer. Every month, Brian would take his mother to the bank and other places to encash her monthly pension checks. Later, Aunty Laura and her husband, Uncle Bill visited them to see their mother, and Brian had put up a good show that he was taking good care of her. They left in a while, and this was one of those occasions where the girls could have told their aunty and uncle the truth but they did not because they feared to take the risk.
“An abuse victim learns to deal with the everyday torturous life because it is always the same, but when a breath of hope comes and goes, it feels worse than ever.”
As years passed by, mama and Brian managed to fool all government officials. When they received a letter informing them that since Misty had turned sixteen, they have to bring her to their office or they will not be getting any money anymore for raising her, and to prevent that incident – to prevent Misty from meeting the officials, their mom made up this story that Misty was not with them anymore and she had run away to Canada with her boyfriend, leaving Misty heartbroken. Later, when mama was ordered by the government to take Fanny to see her psychologist for evaluation, even there, Fanny couldn’t and wouldn’t speak to the psychologist herself, and their mom deceived the psychologist that Fanny was very well taken care of. The psychologist had insisted that a social worker pay a visit to their home to ensure that those settings were good enough for Fanny, but their mom duped the social worker as well, saying that acording to the rules of their church, outsiders were not allowed into their home, and if anyone disobeyed, the church could officially punish them. Samantha turned sixteen, and their mother made up some excuses for her as well to the government officials, and they stopped receiving her monthly checks, too. Misty started feeling suicidal and even self-harmed once, but quickly she realized that she would soon turn eighteen and be an adult, free to make her own decisions, and Samantha, their grandmother, and Fanny needed her. The two sisters began thinking about how to get rid of their abusive parents and how to relieve themselves and how to seek help but they had no clue how to go outside and talk to anyone or how ordinary, normal people even behaved. And the abuse and domestic violence actively continued.
“So you think because you are almost eighteen you can start slacking off?” he asked, frustrated. “You better pick up the slack. I swear to God I will be beating you when you are fifty. You are never going to get away from me, never!”
For the first time, after years of thinking about confronting Brian and their Mama but not finding the courage to do so, one day, when Brian called her for another one of his physical assault stunts for no real reason, just because he enjoyed assaulting the girls, Misty finally confronted him, refusing to cooperate. This infuriated Brian and after a verbal spat, he pushed her down and almost choked her to death. Misty really felta s if she might die, when Samantha intervened and pushed Brian. For which, Brian wanted to punish Samantha now. All while their mother watched and did nothing. To distract Brian from Samantha, Misty yelled that she would go to the police and this angered both their mom and Brian a lot. After some minutes of intense physical abuse and fighting her parents off, Misty ran away. Unfortunately, the road to town was long and when Brian came chasing her in his truck, she could not walk any farther, so she got back home with him. There was a surprise waiting for them as Brian told the two girls that he had been in touch with the bishop in the church clsoer to their home and they were looking for “new bloodlines”, so these two girls, or the two slaves of Brian and their mom, would be given away to the church. Why would Brian do that? Misty figured that in the Amish community, members were not allowed to contact the police, so Brian and their mother were safe and the two girls would be trapped there forever.
They were taken away from home, and they met with an Amish church minister, his wife, and their twelve children. They seemed to be nice and welcoming and accommodating. The elder girls were willing to share their rooms and clothes with Samantha and Misty. They went to the church and learned about the new customs, some of their conditions being strange and weird. In the Amish community, the ministers’ wives told the girls, that nobody would ever speak of sex and the concept of pregnancy is discussed with a girl only on the eve of her wedding. And they all had about ten to twelve children each. The girls realize that they need to quickly adapt to a new world if they want to be baptized and stay at the church. First, Misty is accepted and Samantha stays at home even though she doesn’t want to be there, and then Samantha also joins the Amish church. Their names are changed because the Amish church mambers find them to be too prideful. And tehy want to belong. But little do they know that this stay here would be another form of hell. At the Amish church, again, the girls face severe abuse, harassment, isolation, and systemic exploitation within the Amish church community. The rest of the book is about the very brave fight of Misty, the survivor, as she takes courgaeous steps against an entire religious, abusive, ecploitative community in her attempt to bring justice to the children there who have been facing sexual assault, rape, and abuse for a long time, and the perpetrators are merely shunned for six weeks from the community – that is all, after that time, they can freely walk in and make themselves comfortable within the community. This memoir covers Misty’s brave fight to bring justice to the victims and make the world see the truth, how the community systemically enables abusers, as she finds a way for herself and builds her life and career finally.
Tears of the Silenced gives readers an opportunity to understand how abusive families and abusive cults control victims in all ways possible, how the victim cannot be blamed because they are truly brainwashed to believe that they deserve the abuse and must accept the pain, how they cannot risk it and confront their abusers or flee because they are helpless, live in chronic fear, and have no contact with the outside world. This also reminds us that just because someone went through severe abuse, that doesn’t justify it if they choose to become an abuser themselves. This novel is a first-hand narraive of severe physical and mental abuse, so it is definitely not recommended for those who are triggered by such ideas and thoughts. For Misty Griffin’s exemplary courage, activism, and kindness, this true-crime memoir deserves a 5-star rating.
